Team South - Day 6 - Thu April 19

OK, team. Face facts. We have failed miserably with Plan A – to win the coveted Lanterne Rouge . Congratulations to the Fiordland Fliers. It’s time for us move on.

So, Plan B…..um…ah. How about riding like pros? In our dreams?

We can do it. All we need is the talent. As it happens, Team Hikurangi South has more fresh legs each day than the average gourmet meat counter.

Even better, they’re still in working order. All we have to do is put them on a bike. We don’t do drugs. We’re playing a bigger game: transplants. Hey, the race rules allow it.

On this our planning was perfect. Yesterday Geoff Mehrtens towed us 82km from Methven to Oxford. But he was always going to be a one-day wonder, given the cats clamouring for his vet skills back in Christchurch.

Today, though, we have Tim Wilson, Sarah’s brother. Tim has the build of the ideal cyclists for the big climbs: not too tall, lean, compact, thighs like tree trunks and calves so curvaceous he could earn a dollar or two modeling them. Don’t worry, Tim, this is strictly professional and platonic.

Best of all, Tim has been training like a Trojan on the hills around Christchurch. All we need to do to look like pros is to look like Tim.

Brimming with confidence our team lines up for the day’s start in Hanmer Springs: Tim, Sarah, Bronwyn, our other day-rider today, and Rod. This is the ideal start for pretend pros – 45km predominantly downhill from Hanmer to Waiau. We can hammer this.

We take off with a hiss and a roar. But Plan B falters almost immediately. Tim is leading out three pairs of now very tired legs.

“Ease up!” Rod calls from the back,

But Tim quickens the pace.

“Bro, ease up!” Sarah barks at her younger sibling.

But with a twitch of thighs and a clinch of calves, Tim pours on the power.

“Hey!        Tim!      Cool!     It!”      Rod shouts spasmodically with his last bits of breath.

Puzzled , Tim glances over his shoulder.

“You’re going too fast!” we gasp in unison.

“What? “ he asks. “You said ‘speed up!’”

Once we take a crash course in a common language, we start to live our dreams. We cover the distance to Waiau at an average of 31 k/h.

Then we make the ultimate sacrifice in pursuit of our great new goal in life. With steely discipline worthy of the pros, we forsake drugs. No more caffeine for us. A quick swig of electrolytes and we’re away.

The climb to Mount Lyford, never steep and often interspersed with down bits, is a delight with Tim in the lead. The payoff is the swooping descent  (with some ups) 40km down through the Kairouras.

It was always going to be a big day – 1,200m of climbing (more than the days over the Crown Range and Lindis pass) and 130km of road.

Feeling like pros, we storm to the finish in Kaikoura.